The “Those People”



Before Austin and I got married we did counseling to have his grandmother’s pastor ordain us. Austin was a little hesitant because he believes “if it’s not broken it doesn’t need to be fixed.” Allowing someone into our personal space was almost like a threat, except maybe not to the extremity of that word. Perhaps an open door to unwanted opportunities? I couldn’t tell you what the right words are.

I, too, believe in protecting your relationship and keeping others out of it. The sentiment of others, especially loved ones, sometimes has the capacity to influence your personal opinion and emotion, which occasionally opens up the possible wedge of animosity in your relationship. Comparing and judging yourself against other people’s thoughts can be dangerous. I also believe that the experience and opinions of others, especially wise elders, are necessary to appreciate.

A conversation I absorbed from Charles (the pastor) was about people of the church and how they impacted his life tremendously. After experiencing multiple losses, the passing of loved ones, he formed his own opinion about people of the church.

He said, “Those people will be there when no one knows the answers. There will be days when you wn’t have it in you to rejoice and those people will be there to rejoice for you. And there will be days those people won’t have it in them to rejoice and you can help them.”

When I think of the statement “those people” it seems to have a stigma. You know, those people who are filthy rich and have everything handed to them. Those people who are poor and lazy. Those people who are obese and worthless. Those people who are privileged by their skin color. Those people who have perfect hair and are so impressively polished, I hate them. Those people and the stigma of those.

When I think about what Charles shared with Austin and I, those people seem quite admirable. Those people are human. Those people are the kind of people I seek to have in my life because they will love you unconditionally. Those people do not have to be found in a church but can also be found in a good community. We should all seek more of “those people.”

Shame on you, you’re the problem…

life, thoughts

Here I am, in my new home of Brooklyn, sitting on my bed with cow socks on wondering what I am doing with my life. I’ve joined the problem because I am no closer to any goals I have set for myself, and I am doing nothing of significance towards a positive impact. In fact, I don’t even have a tangible outline to hold myself accountable for anything or even understand what direction I am headed.

Accountable. I see so many people blaming, sharing hate, and having an obligatory sense of superior belief on social media platforms, and it makes me have a deep sense of self reflection. I lazily consume the nonsense as I scroll my newsfeed (A.k.a. drama media). Again, I am no closer to achieving my goals or doing something of positive impact. Like every person yelling to the wind on their Facebook novel feeds or long threaded tweets, we are no step closer to a resolution. So, with the cloudy view of Manhattan from my window, I have decided that I am going to create rather than consume. I am going to do the things that make me happy so that I may help myself in order to help others.

The world is undeniably broken. Cutting deeply with unkind words is harmful. Reacting to stupidity on an emotional level is fuel to the naysayers and ends up being more hurtful to you. The more hate imposed on stubborn people, the more stubborn people will shell up and not listen to perspective. Things need to be discussed, but there has to be a stop to leaving people down. No one in this world is pure and perfect, and avoiding people for their mistakes will leave you feeling alone.

It amazes me when I see people advocating for “more love” because the same people advocating more love don’t seem to be willing to love the people they hate. Real love is tough and overcomes its own animosity. Real love doesn’t hate because it is “over it.”

I get it, there is a problem. Everyone is responding with pain, suffering and loss. It’s hard to see in the moment of suffering, but ugly things in the heart must be overcome. It’s okay to hurt, but it severely has the world disoriented. I don’t agree with statements like “you’re the problem” and “shame on you.”